Fatty Fat Fat Me

Okay so the title of this post is NOT me insulting myself. I have been feeling pretty down lately and I am currently refusing to step on the scale until I start to feel better about myself. When I was weighing myself everyday I was getting more and more critical of myself and that was making me more and more depressed as the numbers were not going down.

But this is the first time in my life that I have weighed over 200 pounds without being pregnant. And I know that a few months ago I was almost at 200lbs. I also know that since then I am down. But from someone that used to weigh 130lbs this is a huge amount of weight. I know that it has not gotten so bad that is drastically affecting my health... YET! But if the weight does not go down soon I know that it will.

Diabetes runs heavy in my family and it is a real possibility for me if I do not get to a more manageable weight. I have watched my mother struggle with her diabetes for years (type 1) and my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes also (type 2) I also know that three of my great uncles had diabetes and that at least one of them fatally. It is hard knowing this. It is hard to know that when I look at the rolls in the mirror to imagine myself dealing with something as horrible as diabetes for years to come. I also want to teach my children that eating right and exercise is the right thing to keep them healthy.

We do not drink soda. We do not keep junk food in the house at all. No chips. No candy. No cakes. No soda. And usually no ice cream (even though there is some in the freezer now) And we don't eat a lot of oily or fried foods. Most meals in my house are home made also. But we also do not ignore our cravings. If I want candy then I will go get a candy bar... it just does not happen very often. Right now? I really want some Cheetos. (yummy) Ha ha! Maybe sometime this weekend.

I work out every day. Today was a good bike ride. We went just under 4 miles in about 40 minutes. So not too bad. I will have jelly legs tomorrow since a bunch of that was uphill. And I had my gears set pretty high so my resistance was awesome. Tomorrow if Stacey does not feel like a bike ride then I will do my at home workout. I tend to my You Shape game when Tom is home (http://yourshapegame.ubi.com/fitness-evolved-2012/en-us/index.aspx) on the kinect because I dont want him making fun of my retardedness on my Zumba game (http://zumbafitnessgame.com/zumba_rush.php)

I would love to hear everyone else's daily workout stories. So comment and tell me about it :) When I am comfortable getting on the scale, when I think that my self esteem is not going to take a horrific nose dive,  because my confidence in the way that I feel is better, I am going to post a scale picture.

10 things I have learned about being a mom

So I have been a Mommy now for, almost 7 years (wow) and it has been a up and down journey. I think that there are a lot of people that are ready to criticize others parenting skills, or to give you unwanted advice when it comes to your kids. But sometimes you have to just roll with the punches, and try not to get knocked out. I have really been thinking about what I have learned since I began this journey and I thought that I would write it down, and share with everyone my thoughts.



1. Kids are always going to drive you crazy. Whether it is in the car and they will not be quiet and stop fighting for five minutes so you can just get where you are going, or if you are at home and you are trying to get some housework done and they walk behind you and mess everything up in less than a minute. They are never going to do what you want them to do and they are never going to stop being kids. 

What I have learned from this is to just let them be kids. If I turn the radio up and drown them out then eventually they will get the hint that I want quiet, or if I just keep putting their toys away then eventually they will leave them there for long enough for me to vacuum. Its not anything worth getting upset about. They are going to be kids whether I am pissed off because I have a headache and they will not stop screaming or not.

2. The job never ends. Kids are going to need you regardless of what you are doing or what time of the day it is. They are going to need you even when they are not home, and they are going to need you now. 

I have learned that whether Dani has woken up and needs some mommy time at 2am or Noah is in Pittsburgh and he fell down and got hurt, my kids need me 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year. I do not have any off time. Even when I do not have my kids I worry about them, and even when I do not have my kids they need me. Do I want some "me time"? Of course I do. But I have come to the understanding that its probably not going to happen, and if it does then I am oh so happy, but I don't count on it anymore.

3. Be firm, stick to your guns, and never EVER undermine your partner in crime.

Its hard sometimes. Sometimes I do not agree with Tom's punishments, I'm sure that sometimes he does not agree with mine either. But mostly we are a team. I think that this is something that we are continuously working at. Its not easy. Mainly we never threaten. I learned that lesson early on. I used to tell Noah when he was little "stop it or I am going to beat you!!" well I learned really quick that even though I was not going to beat him, he was going to call me out on it. One day walking through Walmart, Noah was not being good, he looks up at me from the baby seat in the basket and says in the loudest whiny voice that he had "PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME MOMMY!!" oh yeah that went over like a lead balloon. I was so embarrassed. Since then, I have learned, not to threaten any punishment that I would never actually follow through with, and I learned that when I give a threat to actually follow through if the behavior is repeated.

4. There is NO such thing as Privacy, not even in the bathroom.

Yup from the day that I signed that birth certificate in this hospital my privacy has gone down the toilet. (literally) I cannot go in my bedroom and get dressed without my kids coming to find me and then they want to help me pick out my clothes. A couple months ago I was going to the bathroom when Noah just comes right in, and then he asks me what my tampon is for. Dani wants to take a bath with me or a shower with Daddy every time we get in. Oh and when I am done on the toilet she wants to see what I did, and flush it down for me. Its all very... um... nice. :)

5. Kids are individuals, and its not right to attempt to make them anything else.

Yeah, so Noah is totally obsessed with his Mohawk, and Dani is addicted to new clothes. I cannot change this even if I wanted to. I let Noah pick out what he wants to wear to school, and he always has to have his Mohawk kicking. Every now and then he lets me cut it off, but its part of him. He might outgrow it one day but I am not going to force him to change. It actually came as a shock to me that the school he goes to does not frown upon him having it, or even having it spiked up. They think that its pretty cool. People look at me funny and I know that they judge me, but I will allow my child to be as he is. Besides hair can be cut, clothes can be changed, its not like I am letting him get a tattoo or anything. LoL

6. Never fight in front of your kids.

So, I learned this lesson the hard way. One day Tom and I were going at it. I cannot remember what the fight was about but we were having it in the living room, and Noah was right here. He just sat there for most of it but eventually the yelling must have gotten to him. He got up and he stood between us (we were on either end of the room not close) and he put his hands up and yelled at the top of his lungs "OKAY GUYS! THATS ENOUGH! YOU LOVE EACH OTHER! STOP YELLING!" This came from my son who was 5 years old at the time. It really snapped us out of it. Not only did we realize that our five year old could act more mature than we were acting, but he has eyes and ears and he was seeing and hearing and absorbing everything that we were saying. And I am sure that some of it was not very nice. It was a real eye opener. From then on we NEVER fight in front of the kids. If we are downstairs we will send the kids upstairs to play, or we will go up into our room and talk about it. We never yell like we used to and we really do try to keep the kids out of it. They are too young to see and hear that kind of thing. Plus they are our problems not the kids problems and they should not be worrying about that kind of thing.

7. Kids are sponges, so watch your mouth.

Okay so I swear and curse, probably more than I should. But Noah has learned not to repeat me. But it was a long and grueling process. But the things that you say for sure sink in, even if you do not think they are listening. I remember when my niece Cynthia was little (I think 3 years old) we were standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus. I remember telling my sister "Did you do her hair? It looks like shit!" when we got on the bus, the lady sitting across from us says "What a pretty little girl" and Cynthia turns and says "Yeah, but my hair looks like shit!!" (I still think its funny) but I learned a lesson that kids hear you and they WILL repeat everything that you say. I have had to relearn this lesson over and over, but I think that is something that happens a lot.

8. Kids are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for.  

I remember one day Noah told me "Mom, Steven is irritating me" ha. He picks up on words that I say. And he is a great problem solver. He always remembers where things are, and he knows how to get away with things that he is not supposed to do. Basically he has learned how to work me. And I have had to adapt to learn what to expect from him. Dani is the same way. At 11 months she was telling us "all done" when she was done with something or "I get it" when she was going for something. I have learned to never under estimate my children's intelligence.

9. There is no such thing as over protective.

I see parents out there that will just let their kids run wild. They just let them do what they will, or go places with friends that the parents do not know. And sometimes bad things happen when your kids is with people that you do trust. Sometimes its unavoidable. But I ALWAYS know where my kids are at all times. When we go out somewhere (even if its just to the commissary) my kids are either in the basket or holding to the side of the basket, or if we are out somewhere else they are holding one of our hands or they are right next to us. I cannot stand when I see kids running wild somewhere and the parents do not care. If you are going to let your kid run wild like that, take them to the park. Keep an eye on your kid in public.

10. There is no such thing as a perfect parent.

So I have made mistakes with my kids in the past. I know that I will make mistakes with my kids in the future. Do I see myself as a good mom? Yes I do. I try my best to always do what is best for my children, I teach them, I play with them, I keep them active, I feed them healthy meals, etc. I see that I am doing a pretty good job. I look back on some things that I have done and know that I could have made better choices in some things and I know that some things I did perfectly. But there is not such thing as two kids that are the same and so one way that works with one kids is probably not going to work with every kid. I have stopped abusing myself when I make a mistake. I just move forward and try again. I learn from my mistakes. My kids are the two biggest accomplishments of my life and I will do everything in my power to give them the best life possible. But I am not perfect, and sometimes if they get hurt by that then I will kiss it better and move forward again.

I hope that you read this and have a good laugh at points, or that you can think "I went through that same thing" and relate. But I think I needed to write this down to remind myself that life is unexpected. You cannot predict how things are going to work out. And you cannot predict how your child is going to act. I am just letting my kids be kids and nourishing their personalities, enriching their minds, and holding them as tight as I can for ow, because eventually I am going to have to let go and allow them to stumble along on their own.

Bubba is back!

So I know I am a little behind on here and I thought I would post about Noah being home.

So he was gone most of the summer but he was home for three weeks in the middle. I felt so bad for my poor baby Dani because she was going insane without him. Seriously. She was always asking for him and then it got to the point that she refused to sit in her highchair anymore because she HAD to sit in Noah's chair and eat. She would go up and sit in his room and play with his toys for a little bit, and she would just be grumpy in general.




So Mike and Sandy brought Noah home on the 23rd. They called me when they were coming through the gate and I said that Bubba would be here soon, and Dani insisted that we go and stand in the driveway and wait for him. She was seriously just standing there, leaning against the car, looking down the street. It was too cute.

Then Noah was here, and she was not the first person that he hugged and she was getting pretty cranky about it. But then when he did go to her for a hug, she threw her arms around his neck, he picked her up and she would just not let go. She must have given him five or six kisses. She was so happy. And we were very happy to have Noah home.

He has actually been pretty good since he has been back. No major issues yet. We are dealing with a little smart mouth syndrome right now but he will get back into stride soon I'm sure. He was supposed to start school yesterday, but sadly we didn't know that school had been canceled because of Hurricane Irene. We got up in the morning, got Noah all ready, his hair done and he was wearing this cute suit that his Grandma Ross had bought him. We go down to the bus stop and I notice that there are not any other kids out, not at any other stops or anything. So I call the school no answer. I come back into the house and pull up the website, and there is a big flashy banner saying no school. I thought: "well the phone call was nice" and I had watched the news the night before to check too. It was not on the list. So then I feel dumb. Poor Noah was bummed, and then he was double bummed when I made him take his suit off. Ha ha. But his hair looked great.




So there was not school again today, so we didnt bother. Hopefully we get to try this all over again tomorrow.




But yes, Noah is home and happy to be home, and we are thrilled to have him home. In reality its too quiet without him here. When the time rolls around I think about how nice its going to be with only Dani, and how quiet its going to be, and how much relaxation I will get... yeah. Well in reality, its so not worth it. Yes, its more quiet, yes I relax more, yes I spend more time with Tom. But then I think of the things that Noah brings to our home, it might be noisy but most of the time its fun. He makes us laugh so hard. He is the best big brother ever and plays with Dani for hours. He is an awesome snuggle buddy, and he comes and sleeps with Mommy when Daddy is on staff duty. And so much more than that.

Basically just happy to have him home.

Coffeeholics Annonamous

So today I had the sudden urge to do some baking. Im sure that a large part of it had to do with me craving something sweet and not feeling like going to buy a candy bar or anything. LoL So I decided that I was going to try some coffee cupcakes. They are for sure not the kind of cupcake that you would sit down and eat with your coffee in the morning. Those are more of a crumb cake kinda ordeal. Instead I wanted to make cupcakes that actually made with coffee.




The result was really yummy. I probably could have made the coffee stronger. I have heard different things, like using instant coffee is the best for a strong cake, or using espresso is really good too. Well I only have a plain ol' coffee maker. But I do buy good coffee at least.

I frosted them with some cream cheese butter cream frosting. And it turned out super yummy too and was such a great contrast to the coffee flavoring. Now something that I learned by making them this time is DO NOT put them in cup cake liner papers. They stick like a Mo-Fo! It was insane how bad the stick. Better to just grease and flour the pans. :)


Actual Coffee Cupcakes

2 cups Flour
2 cups Sugar
1/4 teaspoon Salt
2 sticks Butter
3 Tablespoons Instant Coffee Crystals
1/2 cup Buttermilk
2 whole Eggs
1 teaspoon Baking Soda
2 teaspoons Vanilla


Preparation Instructions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, mix sugar, flour, and 1/4 teaspoon salt. Set aside.

Melt 2 sticks of butter in a pot over medium-low heat. While that's melting, add 3 tablespoons instant coffee to 1 cup boiling water. Set aside.

Once butter has melted, add coffee mixture to the butter in the pot. Let it come to a boil for about ten seconds, then turn off the heat. Set aside for just a minute.

In a separate bowl, add buttermilk, eggs, baking soda, and vanilla. Mix until well combined.

Pour the butter/coffee mixture into the flour mixture. Stir the mixture together gently. The purpose here isn’t to mix it together perfectly, but to cool down the heat before adding the egg mixture.

Add in the egg mixture and stir gently until well combined. Then pour into muffin pan. Bake for 20 to 22 minutes or until set.

Allow to cool completely.



Cream Cheese Buttercream Frosting


8 ounce package of cream cheese
3/4 cup butter softened
3 cups confectioner's sugar (powdered sugar)
1 tsp vanilla extract

Whip cream cheese and butter until very smooth.
Add sugar 1/2 cup at a time, stopping to scrape the sides of the bowl as you go.
Mix until fluffy.
Stir in Vanilla.

Instilling the love of reading.

So this morning I decided that it was time to start reading big chapter books to Noah, hoping that eventually he will want to read them for himself. I chose one that would be exciting and draw him in.




So, this morning Noah gets out of bed and we eat breakfast together. It was a calm and quiet morning. There was still a good hour before Dani was going to get up and so I asked Noah if he wanted me to read him a story. His answer was without hesitation. "YES!"

I took him upstairs and we snuggled into my nice warm bed and he snuggled right up ready for a story. When I pulled out Narnia, he got very excited because he liked the cover and then he told me "Mommy, I have seen those movies!" I told him that indeed we had.

As I opened the book he asked me why there were not an pictures and so I explained that he needed to imagine the story in his head. "In my BRAIN???" he asked. He was right. So I started to read him the first chapter of the first book "The Magician's Nephew". As I got through every page or so he would stop me and ask questions. I expected this and encouraged this as he was trying to create his mental picture. He mainly wanted to know what the little boy looked like, and as the book does not have a description, I invented on for him, inadvertently making the little boy look like my son. The more I read the more excited he got, the more excited he got the more excited I got.

When we got to the end of the first chapter I asked him to tell me all about it and he told me almost every detail and asked a lot of questions. Then he asked me to read another chapter. We repeated the process again with chapter two. When it was time for chapter three, I knew that Dani should be getting up anytime now and tried to explain that to Noah. But he was begging me to read more to him. So I told him "Only one more chapter" (they are pretty short) and the read him chapter three.

I knew that he would want more after chapter three but I had to put my foot down. Dani had awaken while I was reading and was yelling "MAMA!!!" at the top of her lungs by the time I was done.

I know that I have created a monster now, and that every morning he is going to want to spend the time between breakfast and when Dani gets up reading. I love this. I am glad to be bring the love and joy of books to my son, and hope that he grows into a person that loves reading just about anything that I can put in front of him. I love that while reading he can tell me what some words are and he tries to sound out ones that he does not know yet.

Right now, I am just a proud and happy mommy!

The Beginning or the End?

Sometimes you wonder why bad things happen? Do they happen because you did something wrong or do they happen just because they were meant to happen? When they happen in excess is it because you are living your life the wrong way or simply that it is your turn for challenges? Why do sometimes all paths in the road of life seem to be blocked, or have horrible challenges down each one?



I have been thinking about this a lot, and have determined that I do not know the answers, and that possibly no one knows the answers. Right now I know that there are MANY options ahead for Tom and I, but I cannot see what we should do or what we should be doing differently in life to make things better. All I know is that right now the best thing for our family is for Tom to get out of the Army as fast as he possibly can. But this does not make anything all better. It does not make our debt go away, it does not mean that Tom just magically has a job waiting, it does not mean that things will be okay in the Army until he does get out, and it does not mean that I will be able to feed my children next month.

The other day someone told me "just wait, good things happen to good people". Well right now, I would love to know when they do. Personally, I think that good things happen to bad people as much as they happen to good people. I think that bad things happen to good people as much as they happen to bad people. I think that right now I need to stop waiting for the good to happen in life, and for good things to "happen to me" and just see where I can get. But I am also not going to wait for the bad things to happen either. I think that there have been enough of them to go around.



So some good things that are happening right now are... that Tom and I have an appointment to get help with quitting smoking. I cannot take myself being a bitch without them anymore and hopefully if I can get on some medication to help me stop then it will help. When I am being like that I feel that my family is suffering and that I am pushing them away and I really do not want to feel like that. Oh and we got some of our bills reduced, and we are going to keep trying on the other ones. We are also cutting things out that we do not need. And Tom is in a new section that is "supposedly" going to be working here at APG instead of at Edgewood so that should be saving us gas money. Right now we need to find ways to make up the $400 a month that we are losing. So this is a pretty good start.



I am going to start looking for a job on Monday. Something in evenings or nights probably at a gas station or something because we cannot afford child care at all. Tom is going to try to get a job delivering pizzas or something to help supplement also. So just keep your fingers crossed with that.

So that is what is going on with us right now. Thanks for reading!!

What am I doing??!!!

So it has been a long time since I have done this. Ya know, written a blog. When I sit down I try to think about what to say and I draw a blank. It is always like this, always has been and always will be. I know! I can write about my plans for this blog. :D YAY!

So I plan on posting things that are going on in my daily everyday life. As boring as it is. LoL Just to keep everyone updated. I will post what is going on with the kiddos, what's going on with Tom and I, and basically everything in between. Like I will keep everyone update on my weight loss, Tom's working stuff, Milestones for the kids, and pretty much everything in the middle.

I know that this one is kinda boring but its just my strat-up blog. It WILL get better. I promise. Plus its 830 am here and I have been up for over an hour when I SHOULD still be in bed. haha. Okay, I totally plan on making my blog look cool also. So stay tuned for that. It will be happening today! I swear! :)