10 things I have learned about being a mom

So I have been a Mommy now for, almost 7 years (wow) and it has been a up and down journey. I think that there are a lot of people that are ready to criticize others parenting skills, or to give you unwanted advice when it comes to your kids. But sometimes you have to just roll with the punches, and try not to get knocked out. I have really been thinking about what I have learned since I began this journey and I thought that I would write it down, and share with everyone my thoughts.



1. Kids are always going to drive you crazy. Whether it is in the car and they will not be quiet and stop fighting for five minutes so you can just get where you are going, or if you are at home and you are trying to get some housework done and they walk behind you and mess everything up in less than a minute. They are never going to do what you want them to do and they are never going to stop being kids. 

What I have learned from this is to just let them be kids. If I turn the radio up and drown them out then eventually they will get the hint that I want quiet, or if I just keep putting their toys away then eventually they will leave them there for long enough for me to vacuum. Its not anything worth getting upset about. They are going to be kids whether I am pissed off because I have a headache and they will not stop screaming or not.

2. The job never ends. Kids are going to need you regardless of what you are doing or what time of the day it is. They are going to need you even when they are not home, and they are going to need you now. 

I have learned that whether Dani has woken up and needs some mommy time at 2am or Noah is in Pittsburgh and he fell down and got hurt, my kids need me 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year. I do not have any off time. Even when I do not have my kids I worry about them, and even when I do not have my kids they need me. Do I want some "me time"? Of course I do. But I have come to the understanding that its probably not going to happen, and if it does then I am oh so happy, but I don't count on it anymore.

3. Be firm, stick to your guns, and never EVER undermine your partner in crime.

Its hard sometimes. Sometimes I do not agree with Tom's punishments, I'm sure that sometimes he does not agree with mine either. But mostly we are a team. I think that this is something that we are continuously working at. Its not easy. Mainly we never threaten. I learned that lesson early on. I used to tell Noah when he was little "stop it or I am going to beat you!!" well I learned really quick that even though I was not going to beat him, he was going to call me out on it. One day walking through Walmart, Noah was not being good, he looks up at me from the baby seat in the basket and says in the loudest whiny voice that he had "PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME MOMMY!!" oh yeah that went over like a lead balloon. I was so embarrassed. Since then, I have learned, not to threaten any punishment that I would never actually follow through with, and I learned that when I give a threat to actually follow through if the behavior is repeated.

4. There is NO such thing as Privacy, not even in the bathroom.

Yup from the day that I signed that birth certificate in this hospital my privacy has gone down the toilet. (literally) I cannot go in my bedroom and get dressed without my kids coming to find me and then they want to help me pick out my clothes. A couple months ago I was going to the bathroom when Noah just comes right in, and then he asks me what my tampon is for. Dani wants to take a bath with me or a shower with Daddy every time we get in. Oh and when I am done on the toilet she wants to see what I did, and flush it down for me. Its all very... um... nice. :)

5. Kids are individuals, and its not right to attempt to make them anything else.

Yeah, so Noah is totally obsessed with his Mohawk, and Dani is addicted to new clothes. I cannot change this even if I wanted to. I let Noah pick out what he wants to wear to school, and he always has to have his Mohawk kicking. Every now and then he lets me cut it off, but its part of him. He might outgrow it one day but I am not going to force him to change. It actually came as a shock to me that the school he goes to does not frown upon him having it, or even having it spiked up. They think that its pretty cool. People look at me funny and I know that they judge me, but I will allow my child to be as he is. Besides hair can be cut, clothes can be changed, its not like I am letting him get a tattoo or anything. LoL

6. Never fight in front of your kids.

So, I learned this lesson the hard way. One day Tom and I were going at it. I cannot remember what the fight was about but we were having it in the living room, and Noah was right here. He just sat there for most of it but eventually the yelling must have gotten to him. He got up and he stood between us (we were on either end of the room not close) and he put his hands up and yelled at the top of his lungs "OKAY GUYS! THATS ENOUGH! YOU LOVE EACH OTHER! STOP YELLING!" This came from my son who was 5 years old at the time. It really snapped us out of it. Not only did we realize that our five year old could act more mature than we were acting, but he has eyes and ears and he was seeing and hearing and absorbing everything that we were saying. And I am sure that some of it was not very nice. It was a real eye opener. From then on we NEVER fight in front of the kids. If we are downstairs we will send the kids upstairs to play, or we will go up into our room and talk about it. We never yell like we used to and we really do try to keep the kids out of it. They are too young to see and hear that kind of thing. Plus they are our problems not the kids problems and they should not be worrying about that kind of thing.

7. Kids are sponges, so watch your mouth.

Okay so I swear and curse, probably more than I should. But Noah has learned not to repeat me. But it was a long and grueling process. But the things that you say for sure sink in, even if you do not think they are listening. I remember when my niece Cynthia was little (I think 3 years old) we were standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus. I remember telling my sister "Did you do her hair? It looks like shit!" when we got on the bus, the lady sitting across from us says "What a pretty little girl" and Cynthia turns and says "Yeah, but my hair looks like shit!!" (I still think its funny) but I learned a lesson that kids hear you and they WILL repeat everything that you say. I have had to relearn this lesson over and over, but I think that is something that happens a lot.

8. Kids are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for.  

I remember one day Noah told me "Mom, Steven is irritating me" ha. He picks up on words that I say. And he is a great problem solver. He always remembers where things are, and he knows how to get away with things that he is not supposed to do. Basically he has learned how to work me. And I have had to adapt to learn what to expect from him. Dani is the same way. At 11 months she was telling us "all done" when she was done with something or "I get it" when she was going for something. I have learned to never under estimate my children's intelligence.

9. There is no such thing as over protective.

I see parents out there that will just let their kids run wild. They just let them do what they will, or go places with friends that the parents do not know. And sometimes bad things happen when your kids is with people that you do trust. Sometimes its unavoidable. But I ALWAYS know where my kids are at all times. When we go out somewhere (even if its just to the commissary) my kids are either in the basket or holding to the side of the basket, or if we are out somewhere else they are holding one of our hands or they are right next to us. I cannot stand when I see kids running wild somewhere and the parents do not care. If you are going to let your kid run wild like that, take them to the park. Keep an eye on your kid in public.

10. There is no such thing as a perfect parent.

So I have made mistakes with my kids in the past. I know that I will make mistakes with my kids in the future. Do I see myself as a good mom? Yes I do. I try my best to always do what is best for my children, I teach them, I play with them, I keep them active, I feed them healthy meals, etc. I see that I am doing a pretty good job. I look back on some things that I have done and know that I could have made better choices in some things and I know that some things I did perfectly. But there is not such thing as two kids that are the same and so one way that works with one kids is probably not going to work with every kid. I have stopped abusing myself when I make a mistake. I just move forward and try again. I learn from my mistakes. My kids are the two biggest accomplishments of my life and I will do everything in my power to give them the best life possible. But I am not perfect, and sometimes if they get hurt by that then I will kiss it better and move forward again.

I hope that you read this and have a good laugh at points, or that you can think "I went through that same thing" and relate. But I think I needed to write this down to remind myself that life is unexpected. You cannot predict how things are going to work out. And you cannot predict how your child is going to act. I am just letting my kids be kids and nourishing their personalities, enriching their minds, and holding them as tight as I can for ow, because eventually I am going to have to let go and allow them to stumble along on their own.